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Jess Kuroiwa

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[16 Feb 2007|09:35am]
[ mood | awake ]

ok so i had this really fucked up dream.

so me and a gang of 3 go do something bad. we maybe rob something or vandalize something--something that isnt that big of a deal. we kind of are doing this because we think we are friends with/are being pressured by anna nicole smith and her boyfriend.

so we do it and everything is cool, except these two guys see us, or make fun of us or something. then we head back to our apartment. anna and her husband drive up, dead bodies of the two guys that saw us in the backseat. at this point i shit my pants.

after we see them, the three of us boys decide to split up and go for help; i go to my parents. we live in a shitty apartment that is kind of split level with a basement-type. everything is shity and from the seventies except, when you open this one door, it's like the cleanest, whitest courtyard (almost like a shopping center) with two floors and a balcony and the greenest grass ever and all this shit.

so anyway, i check this out for a little bit, put my shit in my room, and then walk out trying to tell my father what happened, only he is drunk, and then my mother informs me that they are having anna nicole's ex husband over for dinner and the night. anna's ex hubby dispises anna and would kill my if he knew i was working for/with her and is scary because he is a crime mogul.

i once again shit my pants.

a run and try to hide my shit, but he and his new wife are already there.

more shit happened and it was really scary so i woke up.

the end.

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[14 Jan 2007|02:05pm]
[ mood | enamored ]

I, I just want to be...

...in your company

in your company.

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[31 Dec 2006|01:02am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Why am I being such a needy bitch?

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quarter from hell is over...how did i do it? (i probably didn't deserve it) [12 Dec 2006|07:22pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

I got straight As.

And one of those was arguably the hardest or second hardest photography class here at OSU.

With not-so-arguably the hardest photo professor here at OSU.

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what is love? baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me...no more. [12 Dec 2006|07:20pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Aside from being a terrible song, the above title is an excellent question, and one that Rachael posed to me the other night. Like any spur of the moment question requiring a well thought out and articulated answer, it was one that was difficult for me to answer. Her instantaneous answer was that is was having already had an interest in, and having a thurough knowledge of whatever you were loving.

I didn't like her definition and she didn't like mine, so we broke up.

Just kidding.

About breaking up.

I felt that knowledge was too cold and lifeless an awareness to be love, and offered "self sacrifice" as another option. That didn't seem so good a definition either. Rachael also pointed out/accused my sacrifice of having limits. It probably does, but i pointed out that self sacrifice must be something done by one's self, not done for one's self. and i did make that sacrifice when i made it. (i know you are reading this, so don't accuse my sacrifice of having limits! [sucka] there are people i would die for, i am sure of it.)

I then offered what I could remember of the Fiddler on the Roof's definition from 7th grade. Actual lines from the script are as follows.

The first time I met you
Was on our wedding day
- I was scared - I was shy
- I was nervous - So was I
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?
I'm your wife.
I know.
But do you love me?
Do I love him?
Well?
For years, I've lived with him
Fought with him
Starved with him
years, my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?
Then you love me?
I suppose I do.
And I suppose I love you, too

So what is that? Is that truth? Does the funny feeling i get in my belly when i walk under an umbrella with you in the rain to wendy's have nothing to do with love?

I think it has something to do with it. It at least plays a role. I was once told that when you are feeling that feeling, when you melt when you look into another's eyes, you are "falling in love" and only when you truely commit to someone and will do the sort of things for someone like Golde and Tevye did for eachother that you are "in love". Is that true? Does that even make sense?

It seems to bear some significance, at least in that love might have two (or more) separate phases or types or degrees or something.

Because, i mean, i would say that i love lots of things. I love the bouncing souls. i love my friends. i love my family. i love my team. i love my bike. i love life. i love sitting on something high off the ground and watching the sun go down beneath red and orange clouds. I don't neccesarily have a thurough understanding of any of them, and i havn't neccesarily sacrificed myself or my possessions for them. Also, i wouldn't say i love any of them for any perticular reason really.

Do i get to choose who and what i love?

Isn't love a feeling?

When did these concepts get so hard to define? Didn't i find out what it meant to me some hot and boring summer day in my parent's basement? Don't i already have all of this worked out?

Do all questions of this nature beget more questions?

i am not asking any of you (both of you?) who still read this peice of shit to answer. i just want to pose questions. If anyone has any good responses holla atcha boy, but if you just think i am a douchebag, that's cool too.

4 comments|post comment

[27 Nov 2006|02:29am]
[ mood | rushed ]

I got a 12 page paper due tomorrow at 11:30am

I should be making a works cited page for it, but i am not.

I just finished an art project where i didnt eat for 3 days, which i am using to justify my laziness.

i also lifted weights with every major muscle group in my body and ran 20 miles during those 3 days.

it was hell.

calorie balance about 10-12,000 expended, 1,500 taken in.

i wanted to experience american manliness in all of its disgusting emotionless, 'tough', "no pain, no gain" glory, as well as anorexia and the female athlete tirad.

i kind of fucked up my knees.

the way the rally's tasted today might have been worth it.

i cant complain about life right now. the quarter is a few hard days' nights away from finally being done, the buckeyes are in the national title game, i still have my job and a good pad from overdrawing my checking, and a girl who is as good at communicating as she is being attractive. more of a woman than a girl, a mature, sincere woman.

and i got a full belly.

time to go to bed and wake up early to edit this paper once and for all.

cleveland, i'll be hollerin at you sometime over winter break. i am sorry i don't come back that often anymore but when i am on break i just want to sleep and veg out. i will see you for a little i promise.

go cavs.

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[19 Nov 2006|01:24am]
[ mood | happy ]

"i don't want to land my face in your nuts"

-paul gabor 11-18-06

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sweet day [31 Oct 2006|01:19am]
[ mood | happy ]

today was good.

i woke up early to print. i pumped that shit out, which was good because i forgot i had to work tonight 6-10. i was done in time to get jimmy johns and go to intl studies.

i got a perfect on my "minipaper" in intl studies. that was also the second minipaper, and that means that i can skip that class any time i need to now. even though it will make me do shittier.

after that class, i bought matte board. it was a lot less expensive than i thought it would be. i got ringle to drop me and it off at my class. he saved me like half an hour to 45 minutes.

ardine's class was cut short, and i got a chance to cut mattes. rachael helped me because i helped her do hers/stared at her.

at 5 or so i went home to go to work. work was sweet. i only had to stay from 6-8 because it was super slow, and i got to deliver a bunch of pies to this awesome guy at this democratic party HQ thing. he tipped me 15 bucks on a $100 order. solid. i ended up coming home with 32 bucks in 2 hours. not shabby. oh yeah, i also brought home at least 1.5 medium pizzas. i was planning on giving them to the show, but there already were like 3 buckeyes there when i got there.

getting off early meant i got to see the show. the mad ones had a mini-reunion, which was great. bob has a good style about him and a good voice for what he likes to do. "come on baby take my hand, i'll take you for a ride". good shit.

then the ghost town trio rocked out. andy is really good at guitar. he doesnt even try up there. i like their new stuff. i also hear they gave their money to ad astra per aspera, the touring band, which gave them like $130 maybe which is really really a lot.

ad astra per aspera was very artsy, but still had great guitar and keyboad hooks, and some killer beats. fucking sweet.

yikes! was fun. they brought a small lamp and only had a little bit of light on, and played in the middle of the room, kind of theatre in the round style. this was, of course conducive to living-room-circle-pits. they refused to play "thank you" but i forgive them. they are not forgiven, however, for not playing "jumpstart my heart". i even counted off and everything. next time.

i am worried about my grades. they are definitely going to drop, but i hope they don't drop that much. oh well, it's all about the portfolio anyways.

omg, this is, like totally X-posted in my myspace.

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crazy week [29 Oct 2006|01:09am]
[ mood | busy ]

tuesday someone stole my bike. walking around really sucks.

they either are stupid and don't know how to ride it and shouldnt have stolen it, or know exactly what they were doing, in which case i hope it brings them happiness. if i catch them i am still going to be pissed.

i went looking for a used one for cheap to no avail, and knowing that i will definately be riding a bike for a while, i thought it might be worth the investment of buying a new one (that ipod that i wanted to buy just became out of reach).

so i ordered/am having dave baer put together a bike for me. it's an IRO fixed gear
"jamie roy"--aluminum. if it gets stolen i am going to be really really pissed. i am not sure about the aluminum yet, but i don't think i'll give a shit seeing as how it will be 5-10lbs lighter than my old bike.

its going to be better than any bike i have ever owned without a doubt.

the week has been very hectic due to projects and the like. wednesday i think i bombed my midterm in peace studies. oh well. i'll rock those papers and make up for it.

today was very productive. i slept in a little, which was important because i lifted yesterday. i cleaned my room a bunch, and it's still kind of cluttered, but better than it was. i told my renters about my bedroom light, i deposited money in the bank, went on a little run, did some stretching, shaved my legs again and took some pictures of myself with my plastic camera, read a bunch, and watched the fifth element.

tomorrow i go to practice at 2 and then get to develop that film, and maybe print some color. actually i have to shoot some color and then maybe develop some color, and then maybe print some color.

hooray

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[24 Oct 2006|01:03am]
[ mood | busy ]

i saw you motioning across the room today.

i know you didn't sit next to me by accident.

after all, you don't share string cheese with just anyone.

i am going to get you those other two dollars.

5 comments|post comment

[22 Oct 2006|11:12am]
[ mood | busy ]

i hate how everything is closed on sundays.

i woke up at 8 trying to get shit done, finding nothing was open till noon or 2, if at all today.

wheel truing and oil changing, here i come!

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[21 Oct 2006|11:26pm]
i made 50 bucks at work tonight and hated every minute of it.

i finally got in the fucking gym.

i ate too much.

i didn't think enough.

i didn't clean enough.

i never get a real weekend.

i need to go to the library.

i need to go to my bed.

i worry about growing up.

im not coming out of the shower.
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[20 Oct 2006|11:56pm]
[ mood | busy ]

ive got books to read

ive got papers to write

i'd like to think i have better things to do

on a friday night

than sit here

and daydream.

did she catch me

when i snuck a look at her?

is there interest?

or am i just a bother?

she'd better not really have a boyfriend.

i meant for her to catch me.

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a moment to breathe [18 Oct 2006|10:13pm]
things have been hectic lately.

tuesday, i made 25/hr for 2 1/2 hours. it was looking to be a great day. all the photo kids were having a good time.

till crit.

robert made us all write papers on someone's work you thought was the strongest, and someones you thought was the weakest.

he then went over everyone's project and said he didn't like my display.

he can lick my balls.

he said it didnt make sense, but it made complete sense, and then he didn't even give me a chance to explain. he obviously didnt look at it and think about it for more than 15 seconds because if he did, it would have made sense. sure, it was subtle, and you had to think about it. i'm not always for art that is as subtle as a kick to the face. maybe sometimes i have something to say but i dont want to say it in the most direct and in your face manner. he didnt even let us discuss 1/3 of the class' projects! and some of the ones he glorified were not even up to his specifications. i didn't sign up for fucking sculpture, i don't care what he thinks is boring. i think his 22 minute long video was fucking boring. fuck that. i punched a locker on the way out of his crit and then went to practice.

after that, i shaved my whole body from the neck down. what i could reach of it.

there was so much pent-up razor usage going on that i went what can only be described as buckwild.

today i developed film and finally figured out why my pinhole camera wasnt working. tomorrow i am going to make it work, and maybe go to the library to find books for robert next week. i need to come up with some things to photograph for his class. i also need to come up with some things to photograph for ardine. water treatment plant, here i come.

i got a lot of shit to do from now till next week.

and then from then till the next week for 6 or so more weeks.

then i have to sleep. a lot.
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[13 Oct 2006|10:02am]
any more suprises, God?

want to punish me more?

i definitely deserve it, and i am probably ready for it



so let's do this.
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[10 Oct 2006|02:34am]
fuck my life.
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[05 Oct 2006|07:51pm]
so, some assbag yesterday decided to lock their bike to mine AND the bike rack i was locked to.

squence of events:
i lock bike to empty bike rack
i get out of class and unlock my bike.
my bike does not move
does not move because it is locked to the other bike and the bike rack with (NOT MY) lock
i call 292-help
they cant help me, tell me to wait till end of day.
around midnight when the buckwild storms (hail!) stop, i call 292-help again.
they still cannot help me, tell me to call police.
i call police
i sit and wait in rain and cold
policewoman comes, verifies that it is my bike, looks for other owner, verifies he/she is not there.
i wait more in cold.
she tells me transportation/parking has to come cut lock off, but the guy who does that job is gone till 8am.
i wake up at 8am, call police again.
T&P comes
i wait in cold and wet
i wait in cold and wet more.
T&P guy calls other bike owner a "dumbass"
other T&P guy comes and FUCKING BLOWTORCHES THROUGH THE U LOCK, freeing my bike, and impounds the other.

color crit went well today, good for my first robert crit.

more later.
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[03 Oct 2006|11:46pm]
my right arm feels weird.

i might start crying soon.

my sleep is restless.
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[30 Sep 2006|12:50am]
i am doing a bit better.

freshmen are looking pretty good. it's weird because i know i have to step up and be one of the best players on this team, in addition to being one of the better minds. i think we will be OK.

not playing is not helping me.

i am busy every waking moment, and actually had a half day to chill out today. went with dave to oktober fest and then to the screamer for the end of that show that didnt actually happen. at oktoberfest dave's old roommate was hanging out with some half japanese, half german girl who was either more drunk than i thought or semi-hitting on me. she did the weird asian girl mouth thing that i can't describe. i hope i don't do the weird asian girl mouth thing. might go see tin armor tomorrow, probably will just watch the game.

i think i am close to being over everything.

i am looking forward to making sweet art this quarter. i don't have much time to print, because when i am not in class i am at practice or work, or the labs are closed. sunday after work i gotta pump out a ton of pics. wish me luck.

i also need some inspiration of what to shoot. that has always been my weakpoint in art. plus now i can't go doing dangerous things because of my medicine.

tomorrow i am going to shoot and hopefully clean my room some, and maybe do some writing. i need to read for peace studies as well. i dont think i am going to have a lot of time for that class, but i think it's going to be a joke anyway.

toodles.
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[26 Sep 2006|01:50am]
the world is about to witness me go so absolutely buckwildly crazy...they won't know what hit 'em.
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